matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
