If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
