marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
