I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
