? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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