My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
