Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize