it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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