Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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