In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
