Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
