R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
