This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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