i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
