New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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