I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize