I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
