Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
