so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
