He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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