I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
