I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
