How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
