If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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