Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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