the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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