the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize