I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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