remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there's paper in my vomit.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
