I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i think i just lost a toe
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
