I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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