You're so nebulous sometimes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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