she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
