I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and she was petting her beer can
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
