Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize