I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
