We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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