Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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