last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
