there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
pray to the hookup gods
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
