he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
