drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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