dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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