So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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