Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
