Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
