she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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