New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
