booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
