This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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