I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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