What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
