i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
