can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
