smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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