Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
