I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
