be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
