we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
