Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
