and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
