no, he came in my armpit
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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