I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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