The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Bring me that man meat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
