its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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