I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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