White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
