I am puke
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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