did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
