she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is Oprah even human
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
