oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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