well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
