I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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