made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
