the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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