Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
