I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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