all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize