I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
