i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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