She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
