Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My vagina just recognized that song.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
