he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize