No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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