you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize