he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
