umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
