You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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