margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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