Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've blown a few things in my day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
