I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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