just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
