the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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