We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize