She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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