My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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