if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the day after is always just damage control
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
