Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
