i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
