Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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